righteous suffering.

Putting on our rags again doesn't serve us, or Him. He has already clothed us.

How many times now have I subconsciously placed blame on myself for not having it all together? Or figuring out how to get one piece of life running smoothly, so I turn my attention to another spinning plate, only to drop the other. And repeat. It all came down to me and my shortcomings. I just need to try harder and balance better. Right?

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Psalm 73:26

How often are we working from our own strength, blaming ourselves when things go wrong? Because well, who else could it be? Mother, wife, home-keeper, maker of meals, planner of school, changer of diapers, emotional safe place. If she’s not responsible for the house being messy, laundry being undone, or children bickering, then who?

Well, of course there is a level of responsibility (and always room for improvement and learning!). But there is a difference in shaming ourselves into acceptance of our shortcomings, versus being aware of our strengths and weakness and relying on the power of Christ amidst the trials and triumphs. (Notice we should praise on the mountain and in the valley, but often times, we only do one or the other.) Humbly changing tactics when things aren’t working and prayerfully seeking His heart is often the answer to my own stagnant suffering.

Friends, we can work endlessly to do the hard work of breaking chains. It can feel exhausting and discouraging at times. But I’ve come to find, this work will simply never be done. It’ll never be complete this side of heaven. Rather, the fruit of our daily efforts will prayerfully be reaped in our children’s and grand children’s lives. We likely won’t get to see the true results of our blood, sweat and tears — doing our best to raise a new family from scratch in Christ.

But we do it because of what He already did. Obedience follows trust. A laying down of will. Seeking His heart above all else.

It would be easy to have a clean home with no children in it. But that defeats the point, now doesn’t it? I recently heard something like this on a podcast — If we were to achieve everything we set out to do, yet lose just one of our children, all of it would be dust in comparison.

We can easily lose focus in the moment, don’t we?

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10

Man, is He kind. He is SO kind in His never ending patience. We are fooling ourselves every day if we think we can do anything at all apart from Him. The second we place our to-do list over quiet time in the Word and in prayer with Him, we’ve failed. We will undoubtedly spiral. White knuckling our way through life isn’t good for our own spirits (or the little ones we’re raising up for that matter). Preaching to the choir here.

I do believe most of us have been here. New moms, please don’t be fearful of the future. It is hard. It will be hard. You will have moments of weakness, even darkness. But my goodness if the Lord isn’t over abundant in His mercy towards us. I promise, the trying times are just that. Trying on our tired bodies and minds, but so temporary. I’m just now beginning to see the light, and I have three boys, six and under.

His gentle goodness is so vivid in our lives when we take the time to look. In the eyes of our babies, the warm breeze, the flowers in the garden, the joy felt with a familiar friend. He is everywhere, all the time. And He knows your heart.

When you feel fragile, remember His love for you is not.

May He be glorified in your efforts, dear tired mama. Nothing done for Him is ever wasted.

Wiser, more experienced moms… Maybe you’re nodding along with me. Maybe you’ve been there more times than you count, or maybe those days are a distant memory and now by His grace you’ve managed to truly find a groove of walking with Him in a way that is sustainable, regardless of what life throws. That’s what I aim for — To be so connected to Christ that He is the constant tether. Unbreakable. Knowing and trusting in my heart that when I am weak, He is strong. We can believe Him and rest in that. What a glorious freedom. Only through the King of Kings.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. ¹⁰ For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-11

I am personally plagued by my own mind. Whether I don’t take my supplements each day, (which at this point are like medication for my mental health) spend adequate time in honest prayer with Him, watch one too many shows at bed time, or just distract myself from what’s going on in my heart… I have self sabotaging tendencies that can quickly derail the plans He has for me. Or at least it feels that way in the moment. Pride is a deceitful thing, friends. And we all have it. It’s at the root of so many of our deeper heart issues.

Don’t get me wrong, the enemy is real and he prowls like a lion, waiting to devour anyone that strays. I do not discount the reality of demonic forces in this existence. But also - God graciously allows us to feel the consequences of our own actions as well. Because if He didn’t, what kind of parent would that be? We run to Him for safety because He is trustworthy. Not because He is a pushover that says “don’t worry, it’s okay, I forgive you” after you’ve unashamedly sinned again and again with no correction.

We are but toddlers, wanting and wishing for our own way and then pouting when we don’t get it. We want to act innocent in the matter, but that’s not always the case. Life is plenty hard enough by itself, we live in a broken world after all. But that doesn’t mean we should wallow in the suffering.

Nope, He calls us to holiness, dear friends. He calls us up and out of our fleshly state. We are righteous and precious in His sight, new creations. Why do we continue to put on the rags that he removed? (Or like our pastor often says — “Like a dog returning to it’s own vomit.” Great visual I know. Thanks for that Garner!) Jesus offers a way out of the torture that plagues our fleshly minds. We don’t have to have it all together, and we never will. Only because He is enough, we can do whatever He calls us to.

Since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.”
1 Peter 1:16

Does that mean we have a license to sin, or no reason to try at all?

The opposite. We work as unto the Lord because He loves us. Because of His overwhelming grace in our lives. It’s the least we could do but to love and obey Him.

A contrite heart. Repentant of our unbelief and pride. Honest about our heart posture. Taking our thoughts captive as He reveals who He is, not whatever our feelings say that day.

May we have the faith of children. May we find hope and heart healing in His presence alone, as He is the one that fills our cup daily, when we have nothing left to give.

The truth is, we may never have physical healing or answers to devastation in this world on this side of heaven. But we serve an almighty God that still works miracles. He has the power to change hearts, including our own. Nothing is impossible with Him, and all He asks is the faith of a mustard seed.

He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.”
Matthew 17:20

Jesus Christ didn’t die so we could throw pity parties for ourselves. His perfect blood poured out for you, so that your healing waters could flow as you lean into the Father that created you and holds your life in His hands. Because of Him, you woke up today. Do you believe that?

What a blessing it is.

We will suffer hardships, fellow Christians. But we can do so with a posture of righteousness.

The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous and his ears toward their cry.
Psalm 34:15

Can I share something personal with you? Right now, I am selfishly praying for sleep. I’ve suffered vivid and grotesque nightmares of all sorts for weeks on weeks now. No medication, not induced by anything of my doing. It seems like a cruel joke, to finally have all three of my young boys sleeping in their own rooms after nearly 7 years of cosleeping — and now, my mind attacks me at my most vulnerable. Sometimes gory, truly demonic images. Things I’ve never seen or done in my life. Have any of you ever experienced this? I am praying to be delivered from this and find rest in sleep. It’s affecting every area of my life at this point. I have an appointment this week. Pray for me, will you? Thank you.

Love to you all. I am so thankful and excited for the things God is doing — I hope you are too. Be well.

With love,

Ashley